The Confidence Myth: What Working Women Are Tired of Hearing

They say you just need to be more confident.

As if confidence is a button you can press.

As if your doubt is the problem and not the system that keeps underestimating you.

If you’re a woman in the workplace who’s tired of being told to “just speak up more” or “stop second-guessing yourself,” this one’s for you.

We’re not here to blame your mindset.

We’re here to reframe the narrative and offer a new definition of confidence that actually works.

The Myth of Confidence (And Why It’s So Tiring)

Let’s start here:

The confidence conversation is broken.

Because it often ignores the context.

It skips over the nuance.

It centers performance over power.

You’re told to act confident but not supported in feeling confident.

You’re expected to speak up but only if it doesn’t ruffle feathers.

You’re encouraged to lead but still judged when you don’t shrink.

It’s exhausting. And unfair.

And yet, here we are, expected to smile more, doubt less, and somehow radiate confidence while navigating environments that weren’t built with us in mind.

What Women Really Mean When They Say “I Struggle With Confidence”

Let’s reframe what “lack of confidence” often sounds like:

• “I keep overthinking everything I say in meetings.”

• “I don’t know how to advocate for myself without sounding aggressive.”

• “I’ve been told I’m too quiet, too direct, too emotional, too much.”

• “I’m doing the work but not getting the recognition.”

These aren’t mindset flaws.

They’re survival strategies in a system that penalizes women especially Black women, women of color, mothers, and those who don’t fit the mold.

The issue isn’t you.

It’s the way we’ve been conditioned to define confidence in corporate spaces as loud, linear, polished, and palatable.

Confidence Does Not Equal Performance

Here’s where the myth breaks down:

Confidence is not a mood. It’s not volume. And it’s not perfection.

It’s not:

• Being the loudest voice in the room

• Never feeling imposter syndrome

• Always knowing the answer

• Constantly leaning in, pushing through, or showing up strong

Confidence isn’t about never doubting yourself.

It’s about knowing what to do when you do.

Confidence Is a Practice, Not a Personality Trait

Let’s define it differently.

Confidence is a series of decisions, habits, and boundaries you build over time.

It’s choosing clarity over perfection.

It’s deciding to speak even when your voice shakes.

It’s setting the tone in the room even when no one hands you the mic.

It’s giving yourself permission to lead in your own way.

And just like any skill, it can be practiced.

You don’t have to feel confident to act with clarity and conviction.

What Real Confidence Looks Like at Work

Here’s what I’ve seen in 18 years of leadership:

The women who rise fastest are not always the ones who check every box.

They are:

• The ones who own their story and know how to share it

• The ones who ask for clarity instead of over-apologizing

• The ones who know their value and speak from it, not for it

• The ones who don’t perform confidence. They practice it

They show up fully. Strategically.

And yes, sometimes quietly, but with presence.

The Three Workplace Mindset Shifts That Actually Build Confidence

You don’t need more hype. You need tools.

Here are three powerful shifts you can make starting today.

1. Stop Waiting to Be Ready

Confidence doesn’t show up first.

Action comes before assurance.

You don’t get confident by prepping alone in silence.

You build it by putting yourself in the room and trying. Repeating. Getting feedback. Getting back up.

Ask yourself: What would I do if I trusted myself 10 percent more today?

2. Lead With Clarity, Not Credentials

Confidence gets confused with credentials.

But people don’t follow resumes. They follow clarity.

It’s not how many letters are behind your name. It’s how well you communicate your value.

That’s what earns trust. That’s what gets you the role. That’s what inspires leadership.

Try this: Instead of over-explaining your background, lead with impact. What do you help people do? What problem do you solve?

3. Redefine What It Means to Take Up Space

You’re allowed to take up space without dominating.

You’re allowed to be powerful without being loud.

You get to lead without shrinking yourself to fit in.

Confidence means knowing you belong in the conversation even if you’re the only one who looks like you in the room.

Power practice: Write down three spaces where you tend to shrink and one small way you can show up fuller next time.

If You’re Thinking, “This All Sounds Good, But…”

Let me say this clearly.

This isn’t a post about pretending you’re fine.

It’s about remembering that your presence matters before anyone else validates it.

You’re not behind.

You’re not broken.

You’re just ready for a new playbook.

Want to Lead With Confidence That’s Built, Not Borrowed?

If you’ve been tired of the empty “just be confident” advice…

If you’ve been shrinking in meetings, hesitating before speaking, or feeling like you need permission to lead boldly…

Then it’s time to shift.

Inside, I’ll walk you through the exact mindset and strategy that helped me grow my influence, speak with power, and own the room.